Being friends with your kids

I've read the articles, the quotes, the comments...about being friends with your kids.

You can not be

You should not be

You are not

 your children's friend.

I think we have horribly contorted this idea and the understanding of what it means.

Friendship doesn't mean being a push over.  It doesn't mean saying yes to them for the sake of being liked.  I would hope no friendship ever contained those types of behaviors.

It's about getting to know your kids and liking (not just loving) the people that they are.  It's having jokes with them. Moments of laughter.  Letting yourself (as a parent) be vulnerable.  

I am not a perfect parent from any stretch of imagination.  I've over reacted, said things I shouldn't have in anger, jumped to conclusions and not taken the time I should have at times to listen to my kids side of things. 

I've stormed out of their rooms at times after an argument thinking..."Well that was a horrible example of parenting right there!" and by the time I get to my room I'm thoroughly disgusted with myself. 

But here's the part that I think sometimes we miss as parents..if we are just fostering a 'parental' relationship and not a 'friendship'.  

We don't admit to those times that we were wrong for fear of losing the 'upper hand'.  We hold that "I'm your parent, not your friend" posture, because were afraid of losing their respect.  We think that if we go back and admit that we behaved badly or made a wrong decision, they'll never respect us.

That's where I think we get it all wrong. 

 There is a very valuable lesson in those moments waiting to be had.  

When we turn around and go back to their room after an argument and say "I was wrong to say that" or "I'm sorry I over reacted", we teach something that is most understood when shown......humility.

I'ts those moments that I've sat down on my kids bed and apologized, that relationships became stronger.  Healing happened and friendship grew.  

What I didn't realize in the moment, but over time. is that they are learning how to walk in humility by my example. By my vulnerability.

I'ts scary being a parent today.  There are so many things that I want to protect my kids from.  The internet, social media, many socially accepted behaviors.  How can I do all that without being just a strong authoritative figure? 

{Because there do need to be clear rules and guidelines too.} 

Get to know your kids....AND...let them get to know you.  That means the you that sometimes makes mistakes.  The you that doesn't always get it right.  But most of all....the you that admits to all of that.

 I'ts not about saying yes to things because you want to be the 'fun' parent...or ever compromising your morals or judgement for the sake of their acceptance.  It's about standing strong in your guidance and your humility.  

I think some parents are so fearful of letting down their guard....of letting their kids get to know them as people not just parents.  

There is a beautiful friendship to be had with your children, if you just let it happen.  Get to know them...really know them.  Listen...and hear.  Be present...and real.  Put your guard down and realize that there is a wonderful person living inside that child of yours that wants to get to know who you are too.  

You can be

You should be

I hope you are

your children's friend

~Patti